Monday, April 11, 2011

10 Mom Things that I don't do

1. Explain every single thing in a sing-songy voice and make sure the child understands WHY we don't approach the strange doggie, play with matches, or mess with the knobs on the bathtub. The reason why is because I said so, and that's that.
2. Get involved with every little squabble and bump along the road of play with siblings, friends, and family. If it ain't bleeding or on fire, I don't want to hear about it. Go play.
3. Sign them up for every activity available and have them busy from morning till night. If my kid doesn't show an interest and/or aptitude, we don't join, especially if it cuts into family time or dinner or Glee.
4. Have a "philosophy" about child-rearing. I got three letters for your "philosophy"--L.O.L. Our family uses what works for us, each particular kid, and our family in that moment.
5. Conform to a rigorous and well-planned-out schedule. Not happening at our house. We do a lot of things routinely, but definitely not scheduled. We eat when we're hungry and sleep when we are tired. If we don't have to get up early in the morning for a really good reason, we don't.
6. Tell them bullshit lies about drugs. Marijuana ain't meth, and if you think your kid believes that they are the same then you're doing everyone a big disservice, including yourself since they'll know you're full of shit and think everything you say is alarmist and crazy and met with a big eye-roll. I don't want my kids doing either, but I am not going to insult their intelligence by making them equal. There are reasons not to smoke pot, and there are other, different, more grave and serious reasons not to do crack or heroin or meth.
7. Tell them bullshit lies about sex. Babies don't come from storks or cabbage leaves, and we don't pretend that they do. We don't pretend that sex is a dirty and secret and taboo topic, either. When we get questions, we tell the age-appropriate truth, up to and including pictures of disease-riddled genitalia. You're welcome.
8. Never let them fail and take charge of things they should be doing themselves. Yeah, no. I'm a little too busy doing my stuff to do all of their stuff, too. There's no teacher like natural consequences.
9. Buy them everything they ask for/want. First of all, I can't, and second of all, I wouldn't if I could.
10.Make arbitrary rules about things that just do not matter in the long run. Wanna wear your snow boots today, in April, with shorts ? WHY NOT? Seriously, why not?